I’ve done such a good job in building up this identity I forever desired that even now at my lows I’m still able to hold myself high.
And maybe that’s what prevented me from having a proper break down.
Because even amongst this shit I still have this optimism and strength and refusal to back down pushing through.
Very slightly and small, but still present nonetheless.
I have no idea what to do, so I’ll just stick to waiting it out some more
Everything just feels so heavy today, man.
Kinda feel like I’m bordering a breakdown. Gradually I’ve been realizing just how I’ve been acting against my preferred morals, my philosophies, everything I’ve decided to believe that brings me a peace if mind, some joy.
As they say, practice what you preach.
Everything just isn’t desirable.
Basically I just feel once again that I’ve forgotten who I am, I suppose I’m just going through another existential crisis. But I know there’s much more to it then that. What exactly, I only have a vague idea of.
I wish I could go for a walk.
I just need to leave.
Go somewhere far all on my own, reorganize my thoughts
Figure everything out.
This is probably the poorest description I’ve ever made.
Maybe it’s because I lack sleep that these negativities have emerged